The inevitable happened last Friday.
I've been driving my brother's company car all winter — a generosity I don't take lightly. But his business is landscaping, and spring doesn't ask permission. It just shows up and demands all hands on deck, including the vehicle I'd been relying on.
I also haven't had a job. Not for lack of trying — applications go out every week. They just don't come back with offers. So when the car situation landed, it wasn't just about transportation. It was the thing that tipped the whole pile over.
What am I going to do without a vehicle? How will I get to a job if one finally comes through? And that was just the beginning of the list. The questions kept coming, each one dragging three more behind it.
I spent the entire weekend in what I can only describe as a thought barrel tumbling down a hill.
I didn't know it yet, but by the end of the week, God would meet me with four words I desperately needed: stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.
Spinning from prayer — God, I have no idea what to do, but I trust You. Show me the next step. Even if it's uncomfortable. Even if it's something I don't want to do. I'll do it. I just need direction — and then tumbling right back into panic. What in the world am I going to do?
By Wednesday, the barrel picked up speed. Not only was the car officially gone, but my unemployment had been exhausted. No more checks coming.
Let me just say: this took my already struggling faith and threw it down another hill.
I've learned over the years that faith is like a muscle. You have to intentionally choose it, because the pull to doubt and worry is relentless. It keeps whispering, Put the weight down. Give up. It's too heavy.
I white-knuckled that barrel until Friday morning — exactly one week from the original car situation — when I came across this verse in my Bible reading.
2 Chronicles, of all places.
(Side note: Don't breeze past these books. Yes, there's some dry stuff in there. But there are also real nuggets of hope and truth if you slow down long enough to find them.)
In chapter 20, King Jehoshaphat is facing an army far greater than his own. And in verse 12, he prays one of the most honest prayers in Scripture:
"O our God, wilt thou not judge them? for we have no might against this great company that cometh against us; neither know we what to do: but our eyes are upon thee." — 2 Chronicles 20:12 (KJV)
Neither know we what to do: but our eyes are upon thee.
I stopped the audio. That sounded a lot like my prayers had sounded all week.
Then I kept listening. And in verses 15-17, God answers:
"And he said, Hearken ye, all Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem, and thou king Jehoshaphat, Thus saith the Lord unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God's. To morrow go ye down against them: behold, they come up by the cliff of Ziz; and ye shall find them at the end of the brook, before the wilderness of Jeruel. Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the Lord with you, O Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; to morrow go out against them: for the Lord will be with you." — 2 Chronicles 20:15-17 (KJV)
Stand still. See the salvation of the Lord. You won't have to fight this one.
If you read the rest of the story, you'll see that God told Jehoshaphat to send the worship team out ahead of the army. The choir led the charge.
As a lifelong choir member, I have thoughts about how terrifying that assignment must have been for those worship leaders. But that's a sidebar.
Here's what I want you to know: I'm not writing this from the other side. I don't have answers today. I don't know what's coming next.
But I do know I have a safe place to sleep — one I won't be evicted from if the income doesn't show up tomorrow. I have a car I can use to get to church on Sunday. And the rest?
I'm keeping my eyes on God. Still applying. Still looking. Still showing up.
But I'm letting Him hold the barrel now.
If you're in a season where you genuinely don't know what to do — where the questions outnumber the answers and the weight feels impossible — maybe this is your word too.
You don't have to fight this one. Stand still. Keep your eyes on Him.
He's got the barrel.
Thanks for reading. If this encouraged you, I'd love for you to share it with a friend who needs it too.
— Irene D.